Sometimes…

Sometimes I wonder how much more I can take.

I don’t mean to sound defeatist or depressing but seriously sometimes I just want to scream at the world.   How much can a person take?

I think about the times I used to make muffins and pancakes for breakfast every day or give The Kids piggy backs up the stairs or roll around wrestling on the floor or go out in the rain looking for puddles to jump in or the simple pleasure of getting lost in a book or any of the million other normal things people take for granted but add to the sweetness of family life.  The things I always had the energy to do because no matter how tired I was from work or household chores my Mummy Magic would kick in. 

A couple of weekends ago I had a great run of about four days then it all went downhill and I was right back where I started [being stuck in bed].  On Monday I was finally able to stay awake for more than 30 minutes and have a conversation. Yesterday I managed a shower by myself! 

When these simple tasks become logistical challenges you truly understand what it means to have the freedom of independence.

Sometimes I get bogged down with all the tragedies and I cry.

Then I remember all my blessings: a wonderful husband, two amazing children, a nice home, great family and friends, no regular hospital stays or life threatening medical conditions. 

I am free to choose my own path.

I am free to choose where I live.

I am free to choose how to educate my children.

I am free to be with whomever I love. 

I am free to voice my opinions.

Sometimes I wish for my old life. 

Sometimes I long to be able to go for walks in the woods or jump on a trampoline. 

Sometimes I want to give my family freedom from me. 

Sometimes I want to escape. 

Sometimes I need to cry. 

Sometimes I need to be by myself. 

Sometimes I need to be held.

Sometimes I need to be reminded of my many blessings. 

 

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